Well I guess I can't expect any of you to do what I won't do myself so here goes:
I first started going to church between the ages of 8 to 12. My
Granddad would take me and honestly I never really got much out of it.
The singing was fun, and the McDonalds afterward was great, but as for the
service....I found myself escaping to the hallways with the simple
excuse of having to use the restroom. I would wander the halls and look
at the pictures and then eventually find my way back to my seat.
As
you can see this didn't provide much spiritual growth, so by the age of
15 when my Dad was killed in a pretty horrific car accident, what
little faith I had fell apart. Don't get me wrong I prayed, but I
didn't really know how. Saved I was not - so turning to God was foreign
to me and when I turned to different people of faith for answers, I got
answers like "just have faith." Note: I have since found that when this
phrase is said to a non-believer it is code for "I have no clue."
So
needless to say, I began to live my life for myself. God was the
furthest thing from my mind as I gave my life over to whatever pleasure
my heart desired. For the next 13 years of my life I was self centered
and selfish. During this period, I had gotten married and had 2 kids
with my wife Linda. I hate to say this, but I was a horrible husband
and a worthless father. My needs came first and everything else was
secondary. But on September 11th 2001 all that began to slowly
change.
I was in Kaiserslautern (K-town), Germany
awaiting C-130 transport to Macedonia, when my chalk was grounded. It
was overcast so I thought nothing of it, and went to the local Shoppette
to look around. While there, I saw this book on the rack called
"The Mark". It was the 8th book in Tim LaHaye's series called Left
Behind. This series had been mentioned to me about 6 months prior while
on duty one night, and I had thought about getting it because of my strange
interest in apocalyptic times. Well the first book was no where to be found so I figured I would call my wife and ask her for it once I got to Pristina, Kosovo (my duty station for the next 7 months).
It was an interesting journey (another story for another time - 911 and all), but needless to say I made it there in one piece. When I got there I went to the day room and began to look over the book swap shelves to see if I could find the Left Behind book. Side NOTE: For those of you that don't know me that well, while in the military I was, how do you say..... very anal-retentive. I was known for my attention to detail, and I didn't overlook things. So I began to look over this huge book case that spanned approx. 10 ft in length and 7 ft in height. No Book!
So I called my wife on the phone that sat not more than about 8 ft away. I sat down in a swivel chair and commenced to dial home. Linda picked up and we began to chat. I remembered the book again and how I wanted her to pick up the first one in the series. At the EXACT moment I began to ask her to buy me the first book in the series, I spun around in my chair to look at the book case. What do you think was sitting eye level with me on that book shelf??? I said to my wife (and yes I am quoting), "Oh my God, you are not going to believe this!" as I got up and crossed the room to retrieve it from it's spot. I told her the story and we both being non-believers were a bit creeped out, but got passed it and moved on.
Well I stink at reading and usually it takes me well over a month or two to drudge through a book. But something in me craved reading this series. The more I read the more I wanted to understand it. I began looking for answers, asking others questions, but the answers did not come. I prayed open prayers, like [God I don't know who you are, or what religion is right, I just want to know the truth]. I felt guilty about things in my past and confessed them to my wife and thought I had lost her when she hung up on me during one of our conversations. I definitely hit bottom in that place, but sometimes we have to hit bottom so that we can look up and see the light.
Seven months passed and I returned from Kosovo. While sitting in my living room on leave after my return, I had turned the TV over to 700 club. I listened to Pat Robertson offer the invitation to accept Jesus Christ as my Savior. At that very moment, with every bit of my being I knew that I needed Christ, and that it was He that was patient with me during my entire tour overseas. I got on my knees said the prayer and never looked back. It hasn't been easy. I would like to say that light shined down from heaven, that the clouds parted, and that the angels danced around me, but that would be a lie. What did happen was a transformation in my life. I had finally come to the realization that I was a sinner, and that without Christ in my life I was dead. I didn't want to live for my self anymore, but for others. His death gave me Life, and it can give you life too!
